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Clearing The Air

I have been in contact with Amalah, before any posts have been done. She has received a sincere apology. Yes I made 2 mistakes 3 years ago, but is that a reason to trash my family? My blog is open and available for anyone to read, I have nothing to hide, so when accusations and lies float around in one circle of bloggers who I have never met or heard of, its strange how they all know everything about me, which they dont, that is my point.

Below is my reply to Beth at ShePosts.com, read below for a little more background on how the past history with her husband (again part of this group of bloggers I do not know) yet they know everything about us?

As far as the lies, accusations, and rumors spread on sheposts.com and avitable.com, both have combed my blog, and have not found any of the accusations they claim (because their accusations are false). As far as my kids, they are happy, my family loves me, and my husband is a great father and man. And for all the other insults and lies said about me and my family, especially my husband, there is nothing to back these hateful comments. Good to get the full story before attacking or insinuating you know everything about someone’s family, kids, and husband. They do not know us, but they say they do which is great to back up their proof?

Here are a fraction of screenshots of this group going on and on with hateful comments to my husband on twitter. Beth Avant’s twitter is https://twitter.com/#!/hipmamab so you can see in her bio she is married to @PetCobra. It came together after the sheposts.com and avaitable.com articles about us created flat out lies, and then the past history cleared it up why they had such a issue with us.

There unfortunately is more to the history of why this group of bloggers Beth Avant from Sheposts.com, her husband Jason @Petcobra also the owner of @DadCentric, and Avitable.com hate my husband and why they fueled these rumors that were biased and slanted to back up their insults, but like with many bloggers, they leave out this history and the entire context. The barrage of insults on twitter towards my husband come from this group, which is easy to see since prior to this they talk with each other constantly, but again they leave that out, their affiliation with each other. And many of the comments, negative ones, are from people in this group, people I have never heard of or even talked to (yet they claim to know our whole lives, kind of creepy). It has become clear that this group of bloggers are online personal friends and even friends with a couple of ‘editors’ at babble.com, with some of them recently getting writing jobs at Babble as dad writers. Not fair to use media outlets to trash people you dislike and leave out the history between them. A problem with the internet, leaving out all the facts and information to trick people into taking one side over another, based on reach or lac of reach by both sides.  These problems have happened on babble before.

Trashing my husband and creating lies about him, just out of dislike is not fair when he had nothing to do with any of this. Screenshots help to back up claims, not just typed words from people who dislike others. Please take that into consideration.

I just want people to see that there was more of a motive to trash my husband and myself, and not just objectively about exposing my mistake or making this a lesson for people to learn from.

Thank You.

 

44 Comments

  1. CB on March 15, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    The fact that you are deleting comments suggests you are not willing to sit with the pain of what you have done to yourself or to Amy.,

    You should post this “apology” on a PROMINENT location at the top of your blog and leave it there for at least a week. The fact that you have it buried from a few days ago, as if this was a one-day issue, is very telling.

    I respect where you’ve come from and how you’ve pulled yourself up from painful circumstances. I am sure this will be a painful lesson, but it will make you a better, more humble and honest person in the future. Best of luck. I feel for you, but I really hope you’ve learned.



  2. not an only child on March 14, 2012 at 11:31 am

    As a longtime Amalah fan, I am glad you are apologizing but hope that you’ve directed your apologies to her as well. I am disgusted by the plagiarism, but if you truly mean your apologies and intentions, then good luck to you. I hope you find your way. I, for one, will not be back here to your site though. I have no faith in the sincerety of your words, knowing that you’ve so abused others’ writing.



  3. Annie Y on March 14, 2012 at 11:10 am

    I appreciate that you are owning up to what you did and hope that you will be able to overcome this down the road.



  4. Samantha on March 14, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Hang in there. This will blow over. Don’t let this get you too down. Your writing is strong and easy to relate to, and lots of moms want to hear YOUR words. “Her” words aren’t any better than yours, and I’m sorry you felt like they were. Be you!! 🙂

    Sending you peace during what must be a difficult time.



    • sarah on March 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

      Actually “Her” words are better. Why else would Kristin take them? Also, you just used more quotes referencing Amalah then Kristin ever did.



    • Samantha on March 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm

      OMG, calm down. Why are you getting mad at me? And what the hell are you talking about with that whole quote thing? Do you understand the proper usage of quotation marks? If you did, you’d see that I used them correctly. Seriously, calm down.

      And it’s “than” not “then.”



    • Jane on March 16, 2012 at 11:27 am

      Okay, I really don’t want to get in the middle of a tiff, but…I feel obligated to point out that you actually misused quotation marks. They shouldn’t exist at all in your original comment.

      I’m not the queen of grammar. It just doesn’t seem fair to let you critique someone else’s grammar when you screwed it up yourself.



  5. Big Gay Sam on March 14, 2012 at 8:38 am

    I’m also an Amalah fan. I just want to say, “cowboy up.” It’s out, you apologized, now move on. You are intelligent enough and talented enough to recognize Amy’s writing skills. Now you just need to find your own voice. You have a great website and there is so much talent here. Don’t waste it or get discouraged. This is your time to shine. Use it wisely. We all make mistakes. You admitted (partially) your mistake and apologized. Good for you. Now grab those bootstraps and get your life back on track.

    You really should send Amy (if you already haven’t) a heartfelt apology. 🙂



    • Melissa on March 14, 2012 at 9:59 am

      Very nicely said.



  6. Someone Online on March 14, 2012 at 8:10 am

    This too should hold a preface. What you did three years ago and what you did this week and last and the week before that are serious issues. Please don’t try to make excuses for it. There are none. Continually blaming your past, your age and a myriad of other things for your present won’t work. You’re an adult. Its time to start acting like one. If that’s difficult to hear, and I’m sure it is, the truth is always hard. Being pregnant might allow for somethings, but for theft, out right theft..NEVER. Being young and stupid might work when you’re 15 but not when you’re 27 and have 2 kids and one on the way. There are people who will help you with your self esteem issues, please get some help.

    I’m sure this will never make it to the comment section, as I see you’ve deleted most of them that were here earlier. That too is sad.
    You say you’re owning this.. its time to REALLY OWN it. Stealing is wrong. period. And yes you’re guilty. Apologize directly to the parties you’ve wronged. Make no excuses, make no promises. Be humble. ITS TIME.



  7. Clarissa Nassar on March 14, 2012 at 6:29 am

    my advice for you would be this: take a break from the internet for a while and just put yourself and your family first and take this time to reflect and re-focus and prioritize… I have made mistakes in my life and have tried to take shortcuts in order to please everyone and to meet all the expectations that I put on myself to “be successful” and have failed or paid severely for it… it’s not worth it as I am sure you are now realizing. In the end, you have your husband and your kids and that is your TRUE success in life.



  8. Nicole Lambert on March 14, 2012 at 3:47 am

    Can I just ad to this and say that for you to truly grow from this experience, you might just have to find the courage to sit in the feeling of total shame for what you did. Own it fully, do not make one more excuse for yourself. There isn’t any. You ARE only young and life will continue to tick along despite your fall from grace. Embrace the lesson this situation will bring to your life and move on with a better understanding of what drove your actions and how you can overcome those drivers. In 10 years time, you will not be what you did. But you can be a better person because of it.



  9. Nicole Lambert on March 14, 2012 at 3:38 am

    I have my own thoughts on what you did. We all have, but in all honesty, my thoughts don’t matter. My judgement, my thoughts, my intent are irrelivent to your personal journey. This one is for you to work through according to your own core values and beliefs. We all make choices from where our perspectives lie at that time. Sometimes those choices in hindsight weren’t that great. Sometimes we go against what we know is right, driven by something much stronger – fear and ego. Sometimes we look back and think… Holy Sh*t !! WHAT WAS I THINKING !! There is not one single human being on this planet that hasn’t regretted a choice they have made. Owning our actions is the first step. Being able to forgive yourself is the biggest hurdle. At the end of the day, it matters not what any of us say. No one gets to choose how long you live in exile over it but you. Watch this TED presentation. It may help you on your own personal journey through this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka8L1YMR88U If the link doesn’t work, google Kathryn Shultz Don’t regret regret



  10. Shannon on March 14, 2012 at 3:37 am

    You have the intelligence to make sure that YOUR blog is copywrited. Amy deserved better.



  11. EM on March 13, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    I want to preface this by saying I’m not attacking you. I hope you get some help. What you did is very serious. As a woman trying to make a livelihood as an online writer, you took away from another woman who is trying to make her livelihood as well. In your first sentence you’re making excuses for yourself. Traumatic life experiences or not, you should still know the difference between right and wrong. I’ve been raped, and I’ve lost a parent while still in high school, I have never once plagiarized. Those experiences have molded who I am today. They didn’t make me a liar and a thief. I don’t blame any of my screw ups on having a tough time; I don’t because it’s beneath me. It’s beneath you. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can move on and try to establish your “brand” on your own merits. You could very well benefit from some professional help, especially if your emotional issues have led you to be this dishonest in such a public forum, how must you be with people that actually matter?



  12. Judy on March 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    There are not more comments because they are being moderated and only a few are being allowed to be posted. This is my fourth attempt to post. I have no doubt this one will be found wanting also.

    I have nothing to say beyond what has been said by others, except to suggest a refresher course in grammar and spelling for the author of this blog. Honestly, the writing is atrocious and so is the punctuation and sentence structure. And I would also suggest that, if you are owning it, own it completely, and don’t use youth, pregnancy and a hard time in your life as your excuse for stealing.



  13. Guest on March 13, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I think that the damage to your reputation has already been done and you do not deserve further “punishment” seeing as how you will be going through a LOT already. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did…and it is what it is at this point. People can either choose to be adults and forgive *as I’m sure we have ALL made mistakes regardless of what they may be* or continue to hold a grudge over something you have apologized for. This issue is between you and the blogger whose content you have taken. I find the more adult approach is to forgive, and I know that after experiencing this issue I am sure that you will grow from this and hopefully others can see that as well and also understand what I’m sure you are already going through. Best of luck.



  14. Ali on March 13, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Obviously what you did hurt Amy and misled a lot of people. But I think we’ve all done things we’ve regretted and thought would ruin our lives. Personally, I’ve been there when I’d done something so terribly life altering, I thought there would never come a day I wouldn’t think about and regret it every second for the rest of my life. But that’s not the case. You are going to be fine as long as you are honest and up front and really make amends. I really believe that.



  15. Susan on March 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    I think that what you did is wholly dishonest. I’m glad you’ve admitted what you did, but I won’t read you ever again.
    I’m likely not alone.



  16. Melissa on March 13, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    I’ve just finished emailing your sponsors. You are correct in saying that many, many women can relate to Amy. I think so too. That’s why I quote her, link to her, and give proper credit to her ideas and her work.



  17. Anna on March 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    I am really surprised that there are not many more comments here. Cross some bloggers on the internets and all of their followers would be here making nasty comments. Good for Amy’s readers for not following that trend.

    Plagiarism is a very serious offense. Especially, if you were making money on someone else’s writing. I find it strange that your blog name is trademarked but you didn’t know that it wasn’t ok to use another writers words.



    • Mom24@4evermom on March 14, 2012 at 9:43 am

      There aren’t more comments here because she is deleting them. Even ones that are not nasty, just calling out bad behavior.



  18. Steph on March 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Hi Friend! Yes, I am still calling you my friend. And as your friend I hope it is okay that I say I can’t/don’t/won’t condone that type of behavior. But that doesn’t mean I would stop being your friend. You have admitted what you have done… Which I have to commend. Not many people have the courage to do that. It was a huge mistake. And you will likely have to deal with the fallout for a long time. I can only feel compassion towards you. I would never wish this on anyone. But I believe that from our most terrible choices can come amazing growth as a person.. I hope that good things are around the corner for you.

    I know you are hurting and know how much you hurt the other blogger involved. I don’t think there is any “winner” in the situation. She was hurt terribly by discovering her words were taken and you are now hurting knowing the pain you caused.

    I am sending love and compassion and healing vibes to everyone involved. Nothing good can come from hatred.

    I hope this made sense. I make very little sense when I am trying to make the most sense. LOL



    • Clarissa Nassar on March 14, 2012 at 9:42 am

      YES and YES! I agree! growth will come from this if you let it…



    • Naomi on March 14, 2012 at 11:04 am

      I was searching for the right words to say and I think Steph nailed it. I know you are hurting but I am glad you are admitting what you did and dealing with the consequences. I am still proud to call you my friend.

      We all make mistakes, just most people don’t have the misfortune of doing it so publicly.



  19. Jennie B on March 13, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    It seems like a step in the right direction would be to go back and provide links and citations for every word that you copied. If you have truly learned your lesson, it seems you will want to try to make things right by the rightful owners.

    In the future, I’d go one step further than just citing – I’d go ahead and ask for permission before using someone else’s content.



  20. Paula the Blogger on March 13, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    It’s so good that you’ve written this and didn’t try to hide behind denials and stuff, like some people do.

    The truth does indeed set us free.

    Good on you.



  21. Laura on March 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    It’s a basic principle that all good parents teach their children from the time they are very,very small; it’s one of those important things that we all learned in kindergarten, on the playground, in church, in the synagogue, in the temple, in the mosque; it’s something that is drilled into the students heads when they are submitting written work in elementary school, in middle school, in high school, in college:
    Do.
    Not.
    Steal.
    Not.
    Ever.



  22. Melissa on March 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    As others have said, you’re on the right track by apologizing, but you should direct your apology to Amy.

    Also, your husband should apologize to everyone, including you. After reading his tweets, he is doing you no favors. And he should stop trying to rationalize your mistake by saying you’re young. You’re not THAT young. Elementary school kids know that plagiarizing is wrong. It’s offensive to everyone younger than you who does know better. Plus, it’s a horrible example to set for your kids. Is it okay for them to steal because they’re under 27???????

    Here’s my real problem with all of this: When you felt that you were wronged, you and your husband launched an all out campaign to disparage another blogger. Now that the tide has turned and it’s become public knowledge that you didn’t merely skirt the rules in a little contest, but you were paid money for another blogger’s creative works, you hope for people to be understanding. Your husband is accusing people of “ruining your life” for holding you accountable for your theft of another person’s work. Try to be honest with yourselves and admit how you would react if someone did to you what you have done to another. HONESTLY. Judging by your (okay, mainly his) reaction to people who have “wronged” you, I doubt that either of you would be as calm as Amy has been.



    • Amanda Bee on March 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm

      Very nicely put, these were my thoughts exactly.



    • Cole on March 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm

      As a longtime reader of Amy, I couldn’t put it better myself.



    • lorrie on March 14, 2012 at 2:05 am

      Exactly. Well written, Melissa.



    • Michelle on March 14, 2012 at 6:07 am

      Amen!



    • Erika on March 14, 2012 at 6:35 am

      +1!



    • kaity on March 14, 2012 at 11:35 am

      totally agree.



  23. amanda on March 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    You have something to say, be you, be an individual. It’s disingenuous to use your pain as an excuse for copyin’ and pastin’. “Owning it” requires no excuses.



  24. Delora on March 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Glad to see you fessing up in public and facing the consequences of your actions. It says a lot that you’re willing to apologize so publicly. I hope you’ll be able to take the lessons you learn from this mess and transfer that energy into good.



    • MellyMom on March 13, 2012 at 5:56 pm

      I understand how embarrassing this must be, but I’m pretty sure that’s karma.



  25. Kelly on March 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I’m sure this post is a step in the right direction to making amends. However it seems that the plagiarizing happened again much more recently than three years ago, so if you say you’re going to own it, OWN IT.



  26. bessa on March 13, 2012 at 11:01 am

    How many times did this happen? That you stole another’s words? Once or more than once? If you’re going to own it, let’s own it.



  27. girlfriday on March 13, 2012 at 11:00 am

    You are on the right track by owning up to what you did but by not directing your apology to Amy you continue to deny her credit for her own work which you represented as your own.



  28. sonja on March 13, 2012 at 10:53 am

    I appreciate that you are owning it – I hope everyone treats you kindly.



  29. Jessica on March 13, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Interesting that you own up to it after Amy posted her letter to you on her website, and a quick google search identifies who you are. Also, it’s so ironic that your comment page says “Speak Your Mind” when obviously, you could not even do that.



  30. NPRMommy on March 13, 2012 at 10:25 am

    people make mistakes…if you are truly sorry, i hope people give you the chance to make amends…take care…