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Kids Can Be So Mean – A Lesson On Bullying

Yesterday my 1st grader and I were trying to hurry to get to school.  I helped her get dressed and brushed her hair like I do every morning. It’s just something that we do every morning.

Admittedly, this was all my fault.

I hurried her out the door her hair was brushed but because she had gone to sleep with it wet the night before it had a hard time staying down and I guess you could say by the end of the day it looked like it wasn’t.

Last night she came to me and told me she wanted to pick out her own outfit and after searching through her room for a while came up with an outfit that I thought was super cute. She said I just want to be good enough. I agreed her outfit choice was “good enough” and she went to bed happy with her outfit prepared for the morning.

This morning she woke up and as we do every morning I went to brush her hair. Concerned she said “will you please make my hair look nice today. It needs to be good enough.” Then she told me about how she was teased about her hair yesterday. All day long the other girls teasing her about her hair.

My heart broke.

But I held back my tears and helped her be “good enough”.

Here she is.

17 Comments

  1. Eileen on February 10, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    It is being a parent and you try to instill in your kids that no matter what they are always special and loved, but it’s so easy for others to tear that down. Having 6 kids, and 4 of them girls…it is horrible what girls will do to girls especially. It used to be that bully boys were the mainstream in bullying, but i think girls are WAY worse. So much manipulation and bullying in secret. I have cried so much with what our kids have been put through at times. We are not from the “have’s” group so it has been hard for our kids. They have had stares for wearing the same jeans to school for days (clean of course), or even having to ride in sub standard cars. Hair? Oh mygosh…where we live I think the girls get hair cuts and color or highlights as much as their moms…and that is something we can’t ever afford. I go like twice a year for a cut if that. And even money aside, sometimes girls will just try to find themselves and express that with their hairstyles, clothing, hobbies, etc….and if isn’t the NORM, girls will be so cruel. So sorry your little one is already dealing with this. Our youngest is now 12 and in middle school. It can be torture and everyday we try to tell her to talk to ALL others, so as not to appear standoffish or shy, to be kind to all, to just be herself…and hopefully she will find herself in the middle of it all and it will be GOOD ENOUGH. She has not yearning to be one of the “preps”, as she calls it. She used to be SO confident and social but last year things changed when the cliques started and the tearing down began. It makes me so sad because most of this isn’t about what these girls are doing or are capable of,…it’s about what their MOTHERS or other female rolemodels are teaching them. Ya just wanna smack em’ all but really all you can do is feel sorry for them and pray for them all.



  2. Belinda on February 10, 2012 at 6:42 am

    That breaks my heart! Kinds can be so cruel. I remember being teased a s a child and it was really hard. We constantly remind our kids that it is NOT okay to tease some one. They need to build each other up not tear each other down. Kindness is important. I remember my oldest son telling me when he was in kindergarten that the little girl that he had been best friends with was no longer his friend. When I asked why, he said she told him she wasn’t friends with ids who had freckles. I was furious. My mama bear instinct came out. I told him that God made us all different and that his freckles were beautiful. I pointed out that I had them, his grandma had the, and so did many other people. It’s hard knowing that we can’t protect our kids from meanness. I have to say I love Teresa’s comment! I’ll have to teach that to my kids!



  3. Sarah L on February 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Ah, peer pressure! I remember it well (60 years ago). I think you’re doing fine with her.



  4. Katharina on February 9, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Bullying at any age is so horrible. 🙁 I’m sorry your little girl is having to go through this. It seems to be happening to younger children now more than ever.

    She’s more than good enough, she’s perfect. I have always told my daughter that every girl is a princess and I hope she remembers that. (From A Little Princess) 🙂

    Katharina angelsandmusic[at]gmail[dot]com



  5. Amanda on February 8, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    let her know it doesn’t matter what any one else thinks of her. I deal with the same thing with both kids, especially with Sam. I hate when I send the girls off in a hurry and their hair isn’t “good enough”.

    HUGS to Kaila!



  6. 3carnations on February 8, 2012 at 10:02 am

    She is more than good enough, and I hope you related this conversation to her teacher. Bullying is taken very seriously now. The kids don’t always recognize it as bullying, since they think of bullying as the stereotypical “big kid” hitting them or taking their lunch money. Bullying comes in many other forms, none of which should be tolerated.



  7. Shannon R on February 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Now this does make me cry. You did great by reminding her that she is good enough and keep reminding her. It goes with right and wrong and teaching her how to handle these things. Just last night Carter told me about a boy in class that says mean things to him. It made me sad to think that he is already having to deal with this, but we talked about what is the right thing to do in this situation.
    Great job mom and tell Kai that Auntie Shannon loves her very much.



  8. Lea on February 7, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Just two things:

    1. Your daughter is very adorable, not to mention she has one of the prettiest faces I have ever seen on a child.

    2. What I know, at least from my personal experience, is that as you get older, what you’re most proud of when looking back is the ways in which you were different/unique from the rest, not so much how well you fit in with the perceptions of what is “pretty” and “cool” at the time. When I talk to people about what I was like as a child, or even in high school, I mention being an awkward math nerd, the big frizzy hair, the strange ways I’d put together outfits. It’s what people find endearing when they’re mature enough to see past the childhood mindset. Never do I come across people proudly proclaiming how well they fit in or how popular they were with the rest.

    It’s certainly irritating, and it hurts to have to deal with teasing, but just make her understand that it comes from others’ insecurities. My advice is to urge her to embrace her uniqueness when it comes to appearance and social situations, and most of all, find pride in her intelligence above all else.



  9. Diane on February 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear this. She’s perfect just the way she is. Have you talked to the teacher?



  10. Tiff on February 7, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    I can totally see how that breaks your heart, it would mine
    You keep telling her that everyday, because she will always be good enough. She sure is pretty, youre going to be fighting off the boys if you aren’t already. 🙂



  11. Rosey on February 7, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Tell her she looks like the world’s most gorgeous first grader ever (and tell her I know because I taught first grade 🙂 ).



  12. christina on February 7, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    ok i actually am in tears right now. she is MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH. she is SOOOOOOOOO GORGEOUS.



  13. LindsayDianne on February 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    It doesn’t seem to matter what they look like, what they wear or what they act like. Kids ALWAYS find some bullshit to pick on.
    ARGH!
    My heart breaks for little Kaila, an amazing heart, a great big sister, a good friend. <3



  14. Rhonda Grisham on February 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

    I like that Teresa! I’m going to use it too!



  15. teresa on February 7, 2012 at 11:53 am

    she is absolutely beautiful & the other girls are probably jealous that it is natural. Tell her not to worry about those mean girls! A good friend of mine’s daughter got glasses last year in 1st grade & some of the kids made fun of her, her mom told her to smile pretty at them & say “Bless your heart, you’re just not nice, are you?” and walk away. I confess I have actually used this statement since she told me that! Mean people stink, at any age!



  16. Rhonda Grisham on February 7, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Kids can be cruel. I know…my granddaughter has a “skin tag” beside her ear. I have begged DIL to have it removed since she was born. She is afraid it will “hurt” her.
    Now she is in Pre-k, and asks often why other kids don’t have this….needless to say, I am riding DIL hard to make an appointment to have it removed. It may “hurt” her now, but will much more in the future.
    Sorry your baby had to go through this. Parents are a huge part of teaching kids the way to treat others!



  17. Angela on February 7, 2012 at 11:49 am

    You tell her that she is the most beautiful little girl ever! Kids can be so cruel. I have a daughter in 3rd grade who deals with mean and judgmental children in her class. I tell her to turn the other cheek. That to be kind, trumps any criticism they will ever send her way. I also remind her daily to stay true to who she is. My heart breaks for my daughter too. I give her unconditional love, tell her how brilliant, funny and beautiful she is daily and hope that she believes me. I hope that my support is enough to get her through those trying time with the bullies.